Some days ago, speaking with some friends, we started an interesting but also important discussion about the long distance relationship. The majority of the friends accorded that such relation is almost impossible. This drove me to ponder about this very important topic, naturally relating him with my personal self development and, maybe, the self developments of the others.
So, where to begin with this topic? It’s very difficult face this argument because in one side, it seems so personal, it depends from person to person. On the other side, when related with an objective, sincere relationship, it’s not so difficult to answer, indeed it’s extraordinarily simple, much simplest as it might appear at first glance. Often, the things who seem almost obvious, are those that allow us to better understand our human nature, and this topic might be one of these.
Starting from a personal, subjective point of view- from my experience, because I have no other sure references to follow- a distance from the beloved can produce a sense of emptiness and sadness, because the relation is ordinary mainly related to the need of a physical proximity of the math- and it’s my consideration that this situation was experienced by all of us. But, if we leave aside the need for possession, often misunderstood as this noble emotion, we can say that Love is by his nature something intimate, unrestrained, and, if we remain opened to all the possibilities, the distance can allow us to “feel” loved one more clearly, making us understand how much his/her presence is important for us.
Ordinary, we have this need for possession, we see and “feel” the beloved as a personal object, not a living being- ponder about this: from where arises reactions such as jealousy if not from the fear that we can loose something we consider as our propriety? If we remain attached to similar points of views, how we can say that we love someone without egoism, independently from our subjective needs? This is not possible, or rather, love openly is a possibility who depends from the degree one person is detached from our own needs, intended here as compulsive necessities who make us slaves of some emotional reactions.
Often, when I think about the distance who divides me from the person I feel something deeply for, I remember the Poe’s great inspirational verses from the Annabel Lee poem:
“But we loved with a love that was more than love-
I and my Annabel Lee;
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
Coveted her and me….”
“But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we-
Of many far wiser than we-
And neither the angels in heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.”
During our life, we have the tendency to make habitual all the things we have, we take them for granted, both in the material and the emotional field; this makes us forget or underestimate the gifts we receive or have, and our emotional dimension becomes weak.
For two people who love love each other, the distance can be a curse or a blessing that can be felt more intensely the deep vicinity of their hearts.
It’s useless trying to maintain a relation, because the deep union between two persons exists or not: unfortunately, there are not exceptions, if we speak of a sincere relationship. Often we confuse a sense of Love- unity with something else that could be all except Love. And even in these cases, the distance may bring to light that what we thought as that love is something different.
Love requires a determined degree of consciousness and responsibility (intended in her higher meaning), because without consciousness, we can’t be sincere and love openly, we fall in the trap of our subjective, egoistic needs.
Love is the infinite and unconditioned respect for the mate, without exceptions, without “But”, without doubts or fears. Indeed, such as a flower can endure for days without the presence of the Sun, a sincere Love can endure even a long term distance.
This is what I think and feel about this.