Love is a topic that is never discussed or treated enough, but it has been previously addressed on this blog. Not only a Universal Love, but also a more “earthly” (but not less important) kind of Love: a Love between two mates. And this is very important. Sometimes we claim we are able to share a Universal Love, but we find ourselves unable to share a Love with someone close to us. This of course is nonsense, because even those close to us are part of the whole; things result in more complication when we enter the field of loving ourselves. It could maybe seem an absurd statement but almost no one loves himself. Of course, this kind of “self-love” has nothing to do with a type of vanity or egoistic point of view about ourselves, but something related to a total acceptance of ourselves.
Now, I would raise a question: how is it possible to accept (so, to love) someone, if we are unable to accept (so, to love) ourselves? The answer is obvious and predictable – not possible.
We do not understand that life, even if it seems a terrible thing which brings us sufferings and delusions, is a gift. And, accepting a gift without “looking a gift horse in the mouth”, is one of the most difficult things to do. Once more, we are unable to accept; and here, we are unable to accept and appreciate even those “gifts” we claim we are desperately in search of: the “gift of being loved”. Indeed, if we are so shrewd, and if we have enough of the gift of observation to see what is happening, when we speak of love between two human beings, namely, two mates, then, we are witnesses to a very interesting and absurd manifestation of mechanisms.
For most people, being loved implies to have the “responsibility” towards whom they love, namely, the responsibility of returning that feeling.
On the other hand, even he who loves has this expectation that the feeling he/she shares is reciprocated. And, only for this “little” thing, an expectation, a love relationship becomes so chaotic that, in most cases, it is destined to fail from the beginning. All this, a Love Relationship, with all its promise, good intentions, deep feelings…vanishes such as a shadow under the first ray of the sun.
Love doesn’t mean that it must be reciprocated. To Love means to Love, that is all. Of course, we don’t mean here a “love” based exclusively on a physical or momentary attraction. This is not Love and doesn’t mean to love someone: it’s a simple hormonal cocktail. This topic is related to something much deeper, sincere and genuine.
Many people consider the fact of being loved by someone with whom they don’t share the same feeling, a factor of disturbance. If we ponder a bit, we’ll understand the reasons for this attitude: it’s all because we consider (more or less consciously), that Love must be reciprocated. This is a wrong concept, deeply rooted in ourselves, deriving from a catholic moralistic point of view says: “if someone loves us, we feel immediately guilty if we don’t share the same emotion or “feeling”. And just this point of view, this fictional “responsibility” keeps us paradoxically far from being sincere towards others; even to “heat our heart” near someone who does not ask anything, except than to be loved.
What is important, is to respect the other’s feelings and be able to reveal what we feel (or we don’t feel): then, all becomes clearer and simpler.
Of course, a feeling such as Love between two mates, when it doesn’t find correspondences, can fade, end. But it’s an experience which could allow us to learn how to accept the other and how to love. Maybe, we could discover that such an experience is more pleasurable than we have expected.