During a difficult period when I was experiencing the nth failures in some practices of self-observation, my mentor addressed me with these words: “Determination is built in action. Before that, we can speak only about feeling.”
It was a period when I was unable to stabilize myself in the state I knew to be the right consequence of that practice. He said these words and went away, and left me alone such as nothing had happened. I needed some time to understand the meaning of his words, but one day, suddenly, the realization came in a moment.
It happened when I lost every hope and had begun to face every minute of practice with only the wish to bring it to an end in the best possible way. Then I realized that, through time, my will was strengthening, becoming more efficient with every breath.
When my mind filled with questions concerning “how to achieve this”, and it found itself immersed in silence, I finally understood that the words of my mentor were true.
I had achieved determination through effort, and not effort through determination. The result didn’t come through will, but through a right effort. And, even the determination that we could define as a state of being, came as a result of this same effort. Now, I could state that the result of that practice was just the creation of determination, and this was the state of being in which I was finally finding myself.
Looking in depth, I realized that, before performing a correct effort, there’s only a drawing, a feeling that leads us to produce an effort. When the effort is produced in the right way, then the determination arises as a result.
It’s not a determined person who undertakes an action, but one who doesn’t suspend it.
Determination is not the mean, it is the result.
This was the lesson I had achieved.